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Blogs & Opinion

Church lady: The Two Sets of Ladies Who Attend Church But Have Special Place in Hell

There are two sets of people who will have a serious debriefing session with St. Peter at the gates of heaven.

Church Ladies No. 1

The first is those girls that walk into church long after the service has begun, and instead of sitting at the back, they insist on walking all the way towards the pulpit on high heels with the click sound following their every step to the chagrin of the church minister and the entire congregation.

Church Ladies No. 2

The second lot are those women who have made the church precincts their favourite hunting grounds for suitors. Granted, it is good to be strategic.

Church lady
Church lady

It is for this reason that hawkers operate in densely populated streets, for such streets have greater potential to make good sales. It is also the same reason that many rescue and breakdown vehicles are usually parked near roundabouts, black spots or near police stations. Needless to say visionary coffin makers pitch tents near major health facilities.

But are women justified in coming to church and being very active in church programmes and all they are doing is preying on eligible God-fearing suitors?

  • Why the skimpy dress code in church?
  • Do you have to expose your mammary glands in church?
  • How about the leggy types who scramble for front row seats and leave acres and acres of their thighs exposed?
  • If they are in search of husbands are these possible life partners only to be found in churches?
  • How do they sleep? Especially on Saturday evening? Do they dream waking into church and locking eye-to-eye with the man of their fantasies?

Who can vouch for their morality in and around the religious sanctuaries if they visit those places of worship with and agenda? Suppose that half of the marriageable women in our houses of prayers are on a hunting mission; does that mean that we could easily see open competition in church on who can wear the most provocative dress and wear the heaviest make up, all in a bid to land the elusive eligible bachelor?

To be fair to the women, there is an Ashanti saying that says that

‘A wife is like a blanket, when you cover yourself with it, it irritates you, and yet if you cast it aside you feel cold’.

So the women know that they have a warm and important role in the hearts of men. But the desperation to search for husbands in churches may not be healthy, leave alone moral.

Church Lady: Pearly Gates

What would happen, as it often happens when intense competition checks in and the so called God-fearing women decide to put the religious doctrines aside and sort out matters physically? Is the women’s attraction to church, which is akin to the attraction of the moth to the light, driven by the hunger to partake in spiritual nourishment or the thirst to quench their bodily desires and to assure themselves that they have secured for themselves the male pedigree that they wish to bear offspring with?

Good men can be found everywhere, including in bars. Being in bars does not mean that they are demons. After all who says that those men in church are the holy ones? Some of them could be the worst criminals trying to comes to terms with their grievous offences.

When all is said and done, there will be a special queue at the pearly gates for those who have turned the church grounds their hunting grounds to nab men of their desires. Do not say you were not warned when St Peter confronts you with a list of your earthly misdemeanors.

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